BIG BIRD: RAAAAAWR
SNUFFLEUPAGUS: Oh shit!
BIG BIRD (gnashing teeth): SCREECH, RAAAWR
Fossils found in China provide evidence of feathered dinosaurs. Not all dinosaurs, but some. I can't decide whether I'm more terrified or slightly amused. But I do know that I prefer my dinosaurs lizardy. Let me preface this with a little bit of my history with birds. I don't like birds and they don't like me. Just last week I had a run in with a red-winged blackbird douchebag who wanted my nachos. Years ago, I worked at a glorified petting zoo where I had a summer long showdown with an emu who was an asshole. Every morning as I went by the emu, it would lower its head, spread its ineffectual wings and and try to disembowel me with its betaloned (I just made that word up) leg through a fence. For real, park staff had to reinforce the fence. To this day I try to eat emu whenever possible. Just as a 'fuck you, emu'. Anyway, that's just a taste of Sasha vs birds. Back to the feathery dinosaur. I think they lose a little something terror-wise when you add plumage. Consider the feather boa. Not scary. Unless you throw that boa on Buffalo Bill for a tucked lip sync. In light of this information the Mesozoic period in my head now looks like a pre-humanity Sesame Street with Big Bird tearing at the flesh of Snuffleupagus. On second thought, that is pretty god damned scary.
SNUFFLEUPAGUS: Oh shit!
BIG BIRD (gnashing teeth): SCREECH, RAAAWR
Fossils found in China provide evidence of feathered dinosaurs. Not all dinosaurs, but some. I can't decide whether I'm more terrified or slightly amused. But I do know that I prefer my dinosaurs lizardy. Let me preface this with a little bit of my history with birds. I don't like birds and they don't like me. Just last week I had a run in with a red-winged blackbird douchebag who wanted my nachos. Years ago, I worked at a glorified petting zoo where I had a summer long showdown with an emu who was an asshole. Every morning as I went by the emu, it would lower its head, spread its ineffectual wings and and try to disembowel me with its betaloned (I just made that word up) leg through a fence. For real, park staff had to reinforce the fence. To this day I try to eat emu whenever possible. Just as a 'fuck you, emu'. Anyway, that's just a taste of Sasha vs birds. Back to the feathery dinosaur. I think they lose a little something terror-wise when you add plumage. Consider the feather boa. Not scary. Unless you throw that boa on Buffalo Bill for a tucked lip sync. In light of this information the Mesozoic period in my head now looks like a pre-humanity Sesame Street with Big Bird tearing at the flesh of Snuffleupagus. On second thought, that is pretty god damned scary.
No comments:
Post a Comment