Two Years, One Tribute

It’s been two years since our beloved P Swayze died. He passed away during a tumultuous time. Along with John Hughes and Michael Jackson, he was part of a trifecta of celebs that perished during the summer of 2009. Sasha and I decided that someone was trying to kill our childhood. I saw Dirty Dancing at the theatre 8 times when it came out. It’s probably the movie I’ve seen most in my life. Needless to say I mourned his passing. So last night, I was channel surfing and happened upon Point Break. I quickly informed my sister that it was on and we had a two woman tribute. So pop in your favourite Swayze pic and have at it.

Fun sidebar – as I was watching the movie I realized that a good buddy story is quite similar to a romantic comedy with regards to the relationship between the two lead characters. I dare you to watch it and tell me that Swayze and Reeves are not in love. The guy from Hot Fuzz agrees with me:

“Patrick Swayze has just robbed this bank, and Keanu Reeves is chasin' him through peoples' gardens, and then he goes to shoot Swayze but he can't because he loves him so much and he's firin' his gun up in the air and he's like 'ahhh!”

Nice Manners Babe!

At a recent press junket during the Venice Film Festival, Madonna was given flowers by a fan. The kind gesture revealed her hidden rage against hydrangeas. She "absolutely loathes them". In an attempt to explain this rage, her sharp as a whip publicist released the following statement:

"She's entitled to like any flower she wants and she didn't want to hurt the feelings of the hydrangeas of the world. No disrespect to the hydrangea lovers of the world but she prefers different types of flowers."

This may be the best statement ever made by any publicist. She didn't want to hurt the feelings of the hydrangeas of the world??? Really, what the fuck! I didn't realize hydrangeas were so sensitive. I would love the world's hydrangeas and their lovers to band together and form a coalition against the Material Girl.

This only solidifies what we've all known for awhile now - Madonna is a complete and total asshole.

There's a New Sheriff in Town

Killer whales are eating sharks. Sea creatures everywhere rejoice.

The Wahlberg Brothers

Mark and Donnie are opening a burger joint in Boston and calling it Wahlburgers! Genius.

Fall Fairs or The Time I Nearly Killed A Man With My Thighs

I love a good fall fair. The fried foods, the lights, the rides, the carnies, the cotton candy, the pepto bismol. It's a good time. A few years back I went to the local fair with some friends. It was grand old time. We sang "You're the One That I Want" at the funhouse and I made each of them win me a stuffed cheetah for the top of my old tv. It wasn't until we hit the rides that I nearly killed a man with my thighs. We were on the pirate ship, the big ship that swings back and forth, and sitting beside me was a friend who had much thinner legs than mine. I thought nothing of it until we were in motion and he kept lifting off the seat. I was pinned to the seat, but the poor bugger beside me was free floating. He was a good sport and didn't mention that he was nearly killed. But I was there, I know.

Low Voiced Ladies Stick Together

I have a low voice for a lady and I have a unisex name. I gave up correcting strangers on the phone many years ago. It gets so awkward after someone has decided you're a man and you tell them you are actually a fine ass woman with a deep and soulful voice. A while ago at work, a prominent psychic called me about some boring work stuff. He did a quick reading, and got a number of things right. Which was kind of freaky. He tells me some things about my past and gives a few predictions for the future. After he got a few things right, I was really lapping it up. I'm not really one for psychics, but I'm open minded. And then it happened. He called me 'young man'. Some psychic he turned out to be.

As a low voiced lady I keep tabs on famous low voiced ladies. We got to stick together. Here for your consideration is a list of some of my favourites.

Kathleen Turner - How great was it when she played Chandler's dad on Friends? I have a real soft spot for Kathleen Turner Overdrive. In fact, I have an autographed picture of her in my office.

Demi Moore - She was once nearly raped by a dolphin and I've heard she was named after a shampoo.

Kirstie Alley - You know how everyone has their trilogy? Some have the original Star Wars or some have Lord of the Rings. Mine is Look Who's Talking. Kirstie Alley is a genius.

Toni Braxton - She's so tiny and her voice so deep. I like that.

Scarlett Johansson - Sean Penn? Really?

Cher - Cher is the alpha and the omega of low voiced ladies. Now you know.

T-Boz - My favourite member of TLC. I know, I know. Yours is Left Eye. And I can dig that. But T-Boz has the low voice and as I've mentioned we stick together.

Maya Angelou - This caged bird sings low and husky. Yeah, you read that.

Lisa Marie Presley - Think about her and Michael Jackson on the phone. Isn't that great?

Mae West - Sassy and brassy. What's not to like?

Jamie Lee Curtis - I don't want to hear any hermaphrodite talk. Sometimes a lady just talks low. It doesn't mean she has a hidden penis. Did you know she has a title? She's Lady Haden-Guest. Her husband, Christopher Guest of Spinal Tap fame, is a baron.

Whoopi Goldberg - She has no eyebrows and pulls it off. Many people don't even notice. Her and Ted Danson were once a couple and that fascinates me.

Martha Stewart - I think Martha tries to hide her smoky tones through elocution. Have you ever seen her on Conan? If not hunt around youtube and see if you can find it. It's a good thing.