Celebrity DUIs

Dear Rich Celebrities of Hollywood,

When you go out and party like it’s 1999, don’t hop behind the wheel of your car and attempt to drive home. Call a taxi, hire a driver, reserve a hooptie. I could care less how you get home, just stop putting people in danger and stop acting like you don’t make enough money for alternate transportation. Safety first people.

The Breakfast of Champions

Oh sweet McDonald’s breakfast. Your perfectly constructed egg McMuffins and crispy hash browns haunt me. The problem is I’m never up early enough to enjoy them, but then again, who is? When exactly does breakfast end at McDonald’s anyway? 10, 1030 or 11AM? Does anybody know? Why such secrecy?

I don't understand why you can't serve breakfast until noon? Tim Hortons does it. Do you have any idea who your main breakfast eating market is? Obviously not, so let me enlighten you – it’s teens and hung over adults who aren’t going to sacrifice precious sleeping minutes to get up early and grab a hash brown. So please stop acting like you use magical equipment to make your breakfast sandwiches. But something tells me McDonalds just doesn't care.

Read Between the Lines: Obama loves Hootie

In my daily boppings about the internet, I came across an article with President Obama's Spotify playlist. What I noticed was the only artist listed twice was Darius Rucker of Hootie and the Blowfish fame. You may recall deep in the 90's Monica on Friends got a hickey from a Blowfish. I assume it was the one with the really long hair. The only conclusion I can draw here is clear. Obama is a HUGE Hootie fan, not so much the Blowfish. And Monica is a Blowfish groupie (a 'grouper' perhaps, it goes nicely with the fish theme). There is a conspiratorial link there, and it involves secret Illuminati messages in Cougar Town, but I can't tell you anything else. Here is the playlist for your perusal.

No Doubt, “Different People”
Earth Wind & Fire Experience featuring the Al McKay Allstars, “Got To Get You Into My Life – (Live)”
Booker T. & the MG’s, “Green Onions”
Wilco, “I Got You”
The Impressions, “Keep On Pushing”
Jennifer Hudson, “Love You I Do”
Ages and Ages, “No Nostalgia”
Ledisi, “Raise Up”
Sugarland, “Stand Up”
Darius Rucker, “This”
Arcade Fire, “We Used to Wait”
Florence + The Machine, “You’ve Got the Love”
James Taylor, “Your Smiling Face”
REO Speedwagon, “Roll With the Changes”
Raphael Saadiq, “Keep Marchin’”
Noah and the Whale, “Tonight’s the Kind of Night”
Zac Brown Band, “Keep Me In Mind”
Aretha Franklin, “The Weight”
U2, “Even Better Than the Real Thing”
Dierks Bentley, “Home”
Sugarland, “Everyday America”
Darius Rucker, “Learn to Live”
Al Green, “Let’s Stay Together”
Electric Light Orchestra, “Mr. Blue Sky”
Montgomery Gentry, “My Town”
Ricky Martin featuring Joss Stone, “The Best Thing About Me Is You”
Ray LaMontagne, “You Are the Best Thing”
Bruce Springsteen, “We Take Care Of Our Own”