Find A Penny...

I woke up last Friday morning and went to have a shower. Not exciting. I drop my robe (I know, easy boys this isn't going where you think) and there is a shiny penny where my belly button generally resides. Now, I have my suspicions as to where it came from. The most likely being I had a penny in my bed and slept on it. But for a brief shiny moment I thought "Holy shit! I can make pennies."

16 Things We Don't Understand About Sixteen Candles

1. How exactly does Sam Baker ensnare Jake Ryan?
2. Why is Sam going to shit twice and die? Why not just once?
3. What exactly is partying serious?
4. Why do Sam and Randy stare at a naked Caroline in the shower for so long?
5. Where does Randy learn such nice manners babe?
6. Why don’t the grandparents remember her birthday? They do live for that shit!
7. Exactly how many muscle relaxers does Lisa take? Because four doesn’t do that to someone.
8. Why does Mike (Sam’s brother) fake smoke a pretzel at the kitchen table?
9. Why does the geek’s name remain a mystery?
10. Why is Joan Cusack, the best actress of our time, so under used?
11. Why does Caroline act so casual when she wakes up with the geek?
12. Why doesn’t someone just open the door instead of cutting off Caroline’s hair? And why are the scissors so large?
13. Why do Long Duk and his lady friend exercise for foreplay?
14. Why does pizza sound like the blues?
15. Why does the geek have his head gear with him?
16. Why are Sam and Jake being so risky sitting on a glass top table leaning over candles?

Technology and Me

I was just looking in a file labeled Sasha on this computer and I found this image. I'm not too sure where it came from. And then I thought maybe the computer was becoming self-aware, because I often suspect this of technology. My relationship with technology is not quite as fraught with tension as my relationship with birds. It's simmered down nicely in the last few years, but between 2002-2006 you couldn't burn a CD with me in the room. For real. I used to like to think it was personal magnetism, but those years were intensely mutually antagonistic for me and the 'puters. Thankfully, of late I just go through DVD players with great ferocity. I think the image above really represents a turning point for technology and me. Instead of menacing shutdowns and malfunctions, we have reached an uneasy truce of quirky cooperation.

The Rules: #4 Innocent Until Proven Guilty

This one will be short and sweet. Rule 4 is so solid that there just isn't that much to say about it. We all know it, we all love it, our legal system is built on it...

4. Innocent Until Proven Guilty

So simple and so true. It can be applied in a plethora of predicaments (alliteration is for lovers). After a nasty night out of misbehaving one can invoke Rule 4 on the grounds of "if no one saw it, it didn't happen'. Everything is alleged unless you are faced with damning physical evidence. That last sentence is very imporatant so I'll lay it on you again - EVERYTHING IS ALLEGED UNTIL YOU ARE CAUGHT. EVERYTHING. Never let some smug son of a bitch rat you out for indiscresions the day after. We have all had people like this around, and it is important to keep your wits about you. Say you did a little tongue tango with someone you probably shouldn't have done that with, it happens we are all human. The important thing is to stay calm, and ask yourself a few key questions. Who saw you? What state were they in? What state were you in? Are there any pictures/video footage? Risk assess your situation and take it from there. If you are busted then plead guilty, you are not OJ. If you can pull off pretending nothing happened then do it. Tell your closest friend the truth, have them run your PR and everything will be fine. Trust me. People forget shit about you way faster than you forget it about yourself.