From the Kitchen of Loretta Divoon... Candied Bacon aka The Husband Maker

1 pound of bacon
1.5 cups of maple syrup (the real stuff, no shitty table syrup)
3 tablespoons of dijon mustard

Mix maple syrup and dijon mustard together in a bowl. Pre-heat oven to 400. Lay bacon on a rack in a roasting pan. Brush maple syrup and dijon mustard mixture over bacon. Cook for 15 minutes and remove bacon from oven, flip over and brush the other side of the bacon with the maple syrup and dijon mixture. Put bacon back in the oven and cook for another 12-15 minutes or until bacon has reached desired crispiness.

Notes:
I showed this to a friend of mine and she was engaged within a month. This recipe is not to be used for evil, this bacon has powers. Serious, real powers. I like this instead of ham in an eggs benedict or instead of anything on a Sunday morning. You'll regret eating nothing but bacon for breakfast later, but that's later. If you try to use crappy corn based table syrup the sugar will just burn and no one will propose to anyone. Maybe he will, but it will be in spite of, not because of your bacon.

Things We Don't Understand About Dirty Dancing

1. Why can't anyone put Baby in a corner?
2. Why is "She Like the Wind"?
3. Why does she lead me to moonlight, only to burn me with the sun? Why does she do that?
4. Why did Baby carry a watermelon, then say she did so?
5. Why is Johnny wild?
6. Why wouldn't Johnny teach Baby the lifts right away?
7. What exactly are 'spaghetti arms'?
8. What is 'ga-gunk'?
9. And how is that like a heart beat?
10. Why is her sister so ugly?
11. Why can't Marge line it up?
12. What was the point of the wigs?
13. Why is this the time of my life?
14. When the towel is on Robbie's doorknob, why does Lisa walk in? Everyone knows what that means.
15. Why can Robbie put his pickle on everyone's plate?
16. Why does Johnny use a log to open the car?
17. Why does Penny still have a better body than Baby after being pregnant and having a back alley abortion?
18. How will Lisa decorate the world?
19. Why does Johnny beat his feet while Penny and Baby dance?
20. Why is Baby such a spaz? (blogger note: Let's all work together to bring this term back. Together we can do it.)
21. Why do the Shoemachers carry so many wallets?
22. Why does Baby wear white Keds with no socks to dance?
23. Why does Baby wear a white tank top to practice lifts in the water?
24. Why does Baby look like crap for the big dance?
25. How come no female in this movie has any hips?

This was the first thing the talent here at The Random Banana ever wrote. It seemed fitting that it should be the very first thing posted to our blog.