Tupac: Alive or No

Is Tupac Shakur alive? Let's look at what we know.

1. Tupac was alive at one point. We know that for sure.
2. He made rap (and the occasional movie).
3. He is still releasing music.

Now let's look at reasons why he might be alive.

1. Makaveli theory. Tupac called himself Makaveli. Nicolo Machiavelli was an Italian Renaissance man. Literally. He's one of the fathers of modern political science, and if you've ever read "The Prince" you'll likely have a sense of his general douchebaggy-ness. I'm just saying. One of the things Machiavelli talks about is faking your own death to fool your enemies. The idea here is that Tupac told us via a name change that he was going to be faking his own death. As Elvis and Jim Morrison could have told Tupac, the first rule of faking your own death is: you do not talk about faking your own death.
2. Future sneakers. There are two videos in which Tupac is wearing sneakers that were not available when he died. In the videos for "Toss It Up" and "To Live and Die in L.A." he is seen in these mysterious shoes of the future.
3. Bulletproof. Tupac always wore a bullet proof vest. Word on the street is this makes it much harder to die of a gun shot wound.
4. The shot up car and Suge. Twelve shots were fired into Tupac's car and not one hit Suge Knight. But, to quote Denis Leary "We live in a country where John Lennon takes five bullets, Yoko Ono is walking right beside him and not one hits her.". So I think bullets work differently in the USA.

Of course we need to lool at reasons why he might actually be dead.

1. Hospital. Tupac died of respiratory failure after being shot in the chest. That's a tough one to fake. It would be far easier to go with a boat sinking like Olivia Newton-John's ex-boyfriend (look it up, it's a good one).
2. Murder investigation. However lacklustre the investigation may have been, it was still opened. Generally speaking, that is rarely done without an actual death.
3. If Tupac paid off police, hospital staff, coroners and anyone else who may have to be involved - the secret would have leaked many years ago. Like Ben Franklin said "Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead."

It is important to consider all sides of a story when considering the likely truth. So chew it over it your mindhole and decide for yourself... Tupac: alive or no.

Christina Aguilera

I really hope that Ms Aguilera has sent Charlie Sheen some kind of thank you. A card, a basket of mini muffins or perhaps even some tiger blood. Seriously though, Christina Aguilera owes major kudos to Sheen.  In recent weeks she has flubbed the lyrics to the American anthem at the Super Bowl, nearly gone ass over tea kettle on stage at the Grammys and spent the night in jail for public drunkenness. All classy moves for the boozy pop diva, but nobody seems to give a shit right now. That’s because it’s all about Charlie Sheen. Everything else is child’s play.

Charlie Sheen

Charlie Sheen has been very busy these days waging a war against Warner Brothers and cranking out memorable one-liners, such as "Thomas Jefferson was a pussy", "I'm tired of pretending I'm not a bitchin rock star from Mars" and my personal favourite "Dying is for fools, amateurs". His meltdown of epic proportions was inevitable. His behavior has always been erratic.

But after his now infamous 20/20 interview piqued my curiosity, I decided to dig a little deeper into the life of Mr. Sheen. Almost instantly I came across this little known nugget: he once dated and became engaged to actress Kelly Preston. Their relationship ended abruptly when he “accidentally” shot her in the arm. What the fuck? Why have I never heard this before? What other skeletons does this man have in his closet? I stopped digging. Some things are just too scary.

Get some help Charlie. When Mel Gibson calls to offer his support, you know you’ve hit rock bottom.