16 Things We Don't Understand About Sixteen Candles

1. How exactly does Sam Baker ensnare Jake Ryan?
2. Why is Sam going to shit twice and die? Why not just once?
3. What exactly is partying serious?
4. Why do Sam and Randy stare at a naked Caroline in the shower for so long?
5. Where does Randy learn such nice manners babe?
6. Why don’t the grandparents remember her birthday? They do live for that shit!
7. Exactly how many muscle relaxers does Lisa take? Because four doesn’t do that to someone.
8. Why does Mike (Sam’s brother) fake smoke a pretzel at the kitchen table?
9. Why does the geek’s name remain a mystery?
10. Why is Joan Cusack, the best actress of our time, so under used?
11. Why does Caroline act so casual when she wakes up with the geek?
12. Why doesn’t someone just open the door instead of cutting off Caroline’s hair? And why are the scissors so large?
13. Why do Long Duk and his lady friend exercise for foreplay?
14. Why does pizza sound like the blues?
15. Why does the geek have his head gear with him?
16. Why are Sam and Jake being so risky sitting on a glass top table leaning over candles?